Whatever you give a woman....

Whatever you give a woman....


'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap ,
......you will get a bucket full of shit !!!!!!

Through a child's eyes...

Through a child's eyes...

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please
don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

I still don't know what I had eaten to produce this.

My mate used to live in a relatively small house with just his mum and his sister.

One day in the summer holidays off school I used the downstairs toilet in said house, and unleashed what has since that day been referred to as 'Hiroshima'. It wasn't so much the fact that I couldn't flush it away, it was just the intoxicating reek it produced. It could have taken the flesh off your face...

So his mum wasn't too happy when she arrived home from work. 2 cans of Pledge hadn't even scratched the surface.

Not only that but the next time I was round there when she came home, me and my mate had been doing kung-fu in the lounge, and after a crafty 3 inch punch from my sparring partner, my nose had exploded with blood which I proceeded to drip all over the very same downstairs toilet.